BabyBlueLee

D_tach

2006-03-01T20:11:00.000-05:00

Cause I'm a lone ranger,

I wanna cry all day & night,

I wanna bury myself,

in delight.....

Cause I'm a lone ranger,

I wanna forget I was ever born,

I wanna forget about the morn,

I want night,

forever,

the darkness,

always to remain....

*Written 2005

-kisses

Right back at ya (C.D)

2006-02-26T18:51:00.000-05:00

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1) Professor Me
2) Mon
3) BeckyBanton
4) CoolDestiny
5) BabyBlueLee

Next select five people to tag:
1) soory, dont know nu-baddy....
2)
3)
4)
5)

What were you doing 10 years ago?
In my 2nd Year at University doing my diploma, causing trouble and playing "Kalooki"

What were you doing 1 year ago? Stressing about work...

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. Gala apples
2. Trail mix
3. red seedless grapes
4. jello cheesecake snack cups
5. red wine?

Five songs you know all the words to:
1. Deport Dem-Sean Paul
2. You've got it all(Out on a limb)- The Jets
3. So sick-Ne Yo
4. Infiltrate - Sean Paul (CD should remember this one)
5. Making love (out of nothng at all)- Air Supply (Shout out Hans)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Resign, effecive immediately (US millions C.D. is a little easier to work with)
2. Buy my parents another house
3. Pay off their debts
4. Pay off my debts
5. Live my life to its fullest

Five bad habits:
1. Waiting till weekend to do everything
2. Over-resting through the weekend and effectively not getting anything done
3. After all that I'm a good girl!
4. Really, Im an angel
5. Ok, OK...I couldnt narrow them down to five. Maybe next time...

Five things you like doing:
1. Having Sex
2. Shopping for shoes, clothes, Just shopping
3. Chilling with BF (believe me we dont have a chance to do that often)
4. Watching TV (Sitcoms/Movies/ Reality shows)
5. Clowning and making people laugh too ...

Five things you would never wear again:
1. baby-doll dresses
2. "Jesus" sandals
3. baggy plaid shirts with Timbs
4. rope chains
5. Shocking Colour Nail Polish (yeah, I could do without that too)

Five favorite toys:
1. Swangz, you have the first one....
2. Laptop
3. Digital camera
4. remote control (to control the TV, you smutty people!)
5. cell phone, duh!!

Catch You!

Learning Chinese (the easy way)

2006-01-26T13:22:00.000-05:00

I hope this puts a smile on your face and makes you laugh as hard as I did Learning Chinese the Easy Way!

1) That's not right: Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?: Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP: Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid man: Dum Fuk
5) Small horse: Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?: Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table: Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift: Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here: Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet: Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone: No Pah King
12) Staying out of sight" Lei Ying Lo
13) He's cleaning his automobile : Wa Shing Ka
14) Your body odor is offensive : Yu Stin Ki Pu
15) Great: Fa Kin Su Pah

*kisses

The Lonely Women's guide to boredom

2006-01-24T20:45:00.000-05:00

Take 20 words and define* at will.

1. ackee- food that can't exist without saltfish, and bammy, and breadfruit and
yam and hard- dough bread from "Yummy"
2. aloe- word that refuses to be "a-l-o-n-e"!
3. bejeweled- the fervent wish to marry
4. benevolent- the emotion that follows bejeweled after realizing that one isn't
married and is immediately followed with thoughts or acts of
violence.
5. calculus- extended state of confusing thoughts
6. coconut- derivative of "loco" and "nut; crazy one
7. coffee- rejuvenation medicine
8. embodiment- shape couch takes after sitting on it for 4 or more hours
watching TV
9. euphony- talking on the phone
10. ginger- state when lonliness brings on the Gin
11. Jamaica- a home well missed
12. Kalamazoo- fantasy place where boredom doesn't exist
13. love- a noun meaning "state that doesn't exist"; fantasy
14. martyr- boring shows on tv
15. omnibus- traveling thought
16. ostentatious- tasteless display of infomercials
17. oxymoron- clearasil ads on tv
18. pitter patter- tears of boredom
19. supercalafragilisticespialidocious- EXTREME height of anxiety brought on by
boredom
20. synagogue- to sing along (annoyingly) to ads on tv

*hope you get it.

-kisses

Ms. Placed Energy

2005-11-04T10:12:00.000-05:00

I can remember the day well,
When mango blossoms turned to soot,
And the roasting fever like fire,
Took hold of all underfoot.

The air smelled putrid and corrupt,
And the pale-light forgot to show,
Through the blackest and darkest night yet,
Your shiny assassin all aglow.

His edges dulled my dark felt,
And the flames of our passion flare too far to sustain,
But please, regret not our intent,
Focus not, on the swet pain.

The pain of being with you, still a memory,
A bristled thorn in my mind and yet,
The chorus of friends, a euphony,
Singing of things we shouldn't forget,
Quickly soothes and then,
Sleep...
A drift net,
Cathches,
Up with me.

...written Fall 2002....

-kisses

Ahhhmmm

2005-11-01T12:09:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been one week, since the devastation of bedrock, or as we like to affectionately call, " Hurricane Wilma".

Changes have been made and recovery is making strides. The biggest change in people's mind though is the lessons learnt. Never take a Hurricane lightly. Alot of pepole took Katrina lightly because, well, it landed here as a category one, and compared to New Orleans, didnt phase us really. Most expected the same with the Babe from Bedrock. Oh , so , not the case. Would you even believe there are reports that it struck as a category one and not the horror of three as we all witnessed! How lame and sad. If true, that a cat one could have devastated us so....

Anywho's, I've made a deliberation to not discuss the merits of hurricane life anymore. Everyone is trying to dust off their flanks and pick up, start from stratch again. All personal efforts made recently to have a more civilised life (i.e. job hunting), well, has to be resurrected from the ground up again. Ahhh well. It is life after all, dealing with blow after blow,or more recently, puff after puff after huff after puff.

-kisses

In case you all need evidence...

2005-10-27T19:55:00.000-04:00

...that i was speaking truth!!!

This was a nice , decent photo. Some places look as if a tornando, hurricane and a tsunami passed thru, all at the same time.

-kisses (and lots of hugs, we need them)

...barely made it!

2005-10-27T19:30:00.000-04:00

"Huff, and Puff, and blow the house down..."

Well almost.

Wilma surely made it here to South, West and Central Florida, and fucked (excuse the language) us all up. You must wonder then, how I have the priveledge to post a blog, well, I'm one of the fortunate 30% in Broward county to have power returned. They say FPL (for those back-a-yard, they are our JPS) will restore all by 11/22. Thats depressing aint it!! I thank God daily.

Well, everyone seems to be without job, without money (if you didn't get cash before storm you fucked again), without gas (the lines long ,nuh raas), we're just without. Not to mention the devastation, alot of Florididans, truly didnt realise the damage a hurricane can do, and reality finally slapped them across the face. If you aint lucky enough (lucky ...right!!) to have the experience of Gilbert semi-fresh in your young memory , you will feel a little shocked, stunned, walking along the tree rubbish on the street , like a zombie. Fully amazed that you could be without power, and for the really unfortunate few, without water too. Imagine me telling a friend of mine, when telephone service resumed, that if you cant boil the water (since everybody has electric stove) put some bleach in it. Yuh should have heard the shock in di voice. "..nasty, that will taste terrible.."...Did I say something about zombie, enough said.

Hopefully more updates, on the "stupidity" later on.

-kisses

I know you...

2005-10-21T20:38:00.000-04:00

I know how you smell,
like sun-kissed skin,
vine-ripened berries,
earthly,
sweet.
You smell delicious.

I know how you feel,
the sturdy mass of muscle,
the gentle strength,
sinewy, sexy.
You feel delicious.

I know you you sound,
the slightest rustle
ignites me,
swiftly, totally.
You sound delicious.

I know how you taste,
the tongue doesn't forget,
you linger there,
intoxicating me sweetly.
You taste delicious.

I know you..
you do this to me.
Delicious.

-kisses

South Beach sux!

2005-10-17T10:17:00.000-04:00

Has anyone been there recently? I've been there a couple times, enraptured, by what all the friends celebrity's, and the general hype surrounding this so-called enchanting place. They all say its "HOT". I dont think so. It hurts to know that it holds no allure for me. It's not a refuge, to party hard all nite. It basically sux!

Not to be even more "crass" but I feel its becoming a ghetto, for the hip-hop crowd, and that doesnt appeal to me at all. I need , when I go out, to hear certain types of music, not all the "side B'" of particular hiphop artists that I've hardly heard of. Doesnt even want to make you get drunk anymore, imagine that. When that happens, you know you're better off home in bed.

Give me the seven-mile stretch of Negril beach anyday and all the drunken nicities that come with it.

-kisses

Freedom for Kiri

2005-07-10T17:24:00.000-04:00

Who else has control of your destiny, but you?

Who else can release your superstitions, but you?

Why is it we shy away from risks, especially since the reward would be worthwhile?

Why do we let fear be the judge of the courses of action we take in life?

I am afraid, and I am saddned. I have let fear, superstitions and insecurities rule for too long, and its about time, I release them. All I want, is to live a life without the painful grasps, that they can evoke, and at the same time, I was still ruled by them. Makes no sense, does it. I have let go some of the most significant things and people because of fear, and am learning the loss as a result. The pain, so swift, so piercing, not realising the unsoundness of my decisions, of my rationalisations. Why do we try to rationalise with our heads, and not our hearts?

Is it for fear of being hurt? Of course. But the sad reminder, is that one can't chart a course for life, planning to circumvent hurt, if it comes, it will come, and if it doesn't, deem yourself lucky and keep living. Don't get lost in wondering why. Rejoice. ..you escaped it!

I had planned from earlier on in life, not to bow in reverence to Fate. Not to give up, and just accept life's consequences, to instead , forge my own reality, my own fate, my own destiny. But the fear of failure, still haunted, eventually, I will have to let that go too.

I have to make myself belive that , happiness, is not only reserved for the heroes and heroines in novels, but can be an attainable reality, for anyone. I am not being overly optimistic, but for too long, I believed, I wasn't worthy of happiness, why, who knows, maybe my insecurities were too all-consuming. I do blame an early relationship, on how I feel about myself, even though it was a zillion years ago. Even though, the person, was and is, in no way, attached to me anymore, I still believe that part of myself, is embedded in the pain that I endured then. That I grew into my own woman from it, and unfortunatlely remained shackled to the self-doubt and hatred I had at myself, for subjecting myself to that.

It wasn't my fault, he was abusive, and I was too young, and vulnerable and someone, he, took advantage of that. I am human, and that in itself, makes me worthy of life, and living it. I guess I have to forgive, to release the shackles of doubt, and fear. Fear that no one would find me worthwhile. He used to tell me I wasn't worthy of others, and I belived him. But I am. God loves me, my parents love me, and friends love me. That is enough knowledge to be worthy, and let go of that fear, and to forgive. I am not forgiving what he did or said or how he treated me, I am forgiving, him. He was young too and stupid, I am to forgive to forget. Forgive and forget, they say and yet, one seems to forgive and forget to forget. I shant be bound by shackles anymore, the world is my oyster, and by golly, its time to take the pearl!

-kisses (and mayhap a hug or two)

Strong it is...Resist I cannot.

2005-06-21T22:08:00.000-04:00

This was too hilarious...I love the force. Who's your favorite character? Mine, Ahhhm, well... ALL OF THEM!

You Know You're Addicted to Star Wars When...

You can recite *all* the dialogue from the trilogy.

You watch the entire trilogy at least once a month.

You wonder why the SW theme never makes it into those "clasical collections."

Any time you pick up a walkie-talkie or two-way radio, the first thing you say is "TK-421, why aren't you at your post?"

Whenever you went anywhere outside with your friends, you always walked single file, to hide your numbers.

You've written several letters to the President recommending that he dissolve the council, put power in the hands of the regional governors, and let fear keep the local systems in line.

In college, after several hours of poker, you got thrown our of the game for suggesting, "How about some sabacc?"

When trying unsuccessfully to snare that last Cheerio floating in your cereal bowl, you remarked, "the Force is strong with this one."

On Halloween, you would never dress as: Luke, Han Solo, Leia, Vader, Chewie, Threepio, Artoo

However, you would dress as: Wedge, Porkins, Crix Madine, that spider droid from Jabba's palace that fat dancer from Jabba's palace, Sy Snootles, the Cantina bartender. The monster in the trash compactor, Boba Fett, An Imperial probe droid

You've been pulled over by a policeman, and when asked to see your driver's license you replied, "You don't need to see my identification."

And when he asks about your two friends in the back "They're for sale, if you want them."

You have physically threatened anyone who referred to "Hans Solo" or "Dark Vader", confused Star Wars with Star Trek, or spellied Wookiee with only one "e."

You have held up an onion ring and said, "Look sir...droids!"

You've referred to Wedge Antilles or Boba Fett as "The Man."

You've bought a white Isuzu Trooper, strictly because of the name.

While sitting on the couch with your girlfriend, she comments about being cold. So, naturally, you slice open the side of the cushion and stuff her in.

You insist on spelling Pizza Hut "Pizza Hutt."

You dropped your religion and now live the way Yoda taught you.

You recorded all the new Star Wars comercials.

You frequently experience insomnia and, to counter this, begin counting nerfs.

You answer the phone "Die wanna wanga?"

Whenever you buy a new appliance, you make sure to get one that speaks Bacchi.

You call your aunt and uncle Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen.

Whenever you catch sight of cars behind yours, you say "Fighters, coming in, point three five."

Someone else in your car says "What about that tower?"

You respond, "You worry about those fighters, I'll worry about the tower", and moments later your car slams into the water tower the passenger was referring to.

When a cop catches you speeding, you floor it, saying "I've outrun Imperial starships, and not the local bulk cruisers..."

When someone apologizes to you, you choke him and tell him that you accept his apology.

You ride your motorbike through the forest at top speed, and survive after throwing yourself off just before it hits a tree.

You've 'wielded' a flashlight and made humming sounds.

You wave your hand purposefully and 'use the force' to open and close automatic doors or elevator doors.

You go over to a friends, go to his refrigerator, and crawl in throwing food and stuff over your shoulder and grunting.

You walk into an optometrist's office and shout: You will PAY for your lack of vision!

You have a Yoda figurine replacing the brand symbol on the hood of your car.

When accelerating your car to enter the freeway, you tell your passengers to strap in and prepare for light speed.

Your significant other dumps you because everytime she/he says, "I love you" you always respond, "I know."

You quote Yoda to defend your political beliefs.

You have so many SW Trilogy GIF's, JPG's, MIDI's, AVI's, WAV's, MPG's, icons and text files that you're rapidly running out of disk space and have to buy a bigger hard drive just to hold them all.

You have so many SW posters that you can't see your ceiling or floor, either.

You have so many SW toys that you can't see your SW posters anyway.

When leaving a restaurant, you can't resist signing Boba Fett or Darth Vader in the guestbook.

You went through a state of depression when Chewie died.

You look at "big hairy carpets" with more respect than before.

You speak Rodian.

You punch out trekkies who say "Death star my ass, I'd like to see those losers take out DS9."

With a blue-tinted plastic tube, a flashlight, two hours of a Saturday night, and 4 rolls of blue electrical tape, you finally complete your own working "Light-saber"

You listen for Obi-Wan while attempting to parallel park

1Your father asks you how fast your car is, and you reply, "Fast enough for you, old man!"

You could have sworn you saw bantha tracks during your trip to the grand canyon.

Every time somebody sneezes, you say, "May the force be with you."

The cinnamon buns in your hair start to grow mold.

You call your friend who is a midget Wicket.

You refer to money as credits without trying to.

You respond to any mention of the legality of something with "I will make it legal."

You start reliving the speeder bike chase on your motorbike.

Someone tells you your car is old and beat-up, you reply "She'll do .5 past light speed..."

You refer to getting off the freeway as coming out of hyperspace.

You are POSITIVE you are force-sensitive and only lack the proper training.

Someone says they will try to do something you automatically respond "Do or do not. There is no try."

By intense study you have actually figured out the location of every gun implacement on a star destroyer.

Your house robe is brown and extra large.

You type in the terms for a search engine as if entering coordinates, then shout "Punch it, Chewie!" as you click on search.

You argue about whether Star Wars is space fantasy or space opera.

You're out looking for a Wookie for your school's wrestling team.

You nickname your car the Millennium Falcon.

The last time a cute guy tried to hug you, your hands were dirty.

When your mom asks you to clean your room, you say "Leave that to me."

Your friends share recipes for cooking Ewok.

You have a long braid in you hair like Obi-Wan in E1.

You call your boss/teacher "Master"

You went to the nearest recruiting center and asked to be assigned to the 121st TIE squadren

When asked if you want to be buried or creamated you say "I'll just vanish like the rest of the Jedi"

You have a bad feeling about everything.

While partying with friends, you do your Darth Vader impression.

You try to get your car up to .5 beyond lightspeed, in a parking lot.

You call your girlfriend, "your Highness."

You keep calling your boyfriend, "Luke," "Han," or "Lando" by mistake.

You believe John Williams is the best composer ever (which, of course, he is!), and George Lucas is a god (which, too, is pretty much true!)

While listening to the soundtrack without knowing the name of the song you are listening to, you know exactly what's happening while it's playing.

In foreign language class, you tell the teacher, "Hey! If I'm fluent in over six million forms of communication, then how come I'm getting such a bad grade in this class?"

When your friends confide in you and tell you their deepest, darkest secrets, you say, "You are far too trusting."

When your dad says, "I am your father," you begin to scream uncontrollably and shout, "NOOOO! It's not true!" at the top of your lungs.

You have ever thought the world would be a better place if it were like the Rebel Alliance/New Republic.

You now want to become an astronaut to see if there really is a Lando system.

Obiwan Kenobi and Yoda come to you in your dreams and give you advice about tough situations you're dealing with.

Yoda's little sayings have had a profound impact on your life, and you abide by them religiously.

You've created lyrics to the songs in Star Wars.

Instead of saving for college, you save up for Star Wars stuff you plan to buy.

Anyone who doesn't like Star Wars you proclaim is an Imperial.

When you are ticked off at somebody, you send bounty hunters all over the place to find them and then you encase him in carbonite for a new wall decoration.

When your alarm clock goes off in the morning, your reply is, "Unexpected this is... and unfortunate!"

When riding your bike, you look behind you and accelerate wildly by pressing down on the petal with your right toe.

You've kept the "good" action figures stored separately from the "bad" ones.

As a child, whenever you had broken something, your response was always, "It must've had a self-destruct mechanism. I didn't hit it that hard."

You've refused to enter a cave/cavern/tunnel without a handgun and a large stick.

When you waited for a friend to catch up with you, you told him to hurry up or he'd be a permanent resident.

You've ever found yourself in a chat room, training Jedi.

You've ever told your younger brother at the dinner table, "Use the fork, Luke."

You've ever roped off your Star Wars Action Figure collection, claiming it to be an independent nation.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Star Wars.

-Kisses

2005-06-16T23:29:00.000-04:00

My precious! God-Daughter Gabby-Roo.

To relate or not to relate...

2005-06-12T18:00:00.000-04:00

The pursuit of happiness.

I often wonder, if we (women) in realtionships, tend to overthink situations or circumstances that arise. Should it be the norm & exception, to think of relating, on a day-to-day basis and not the long term. I'm sure the men, at least the majority of them, can only function on this way of thinking. Kudos to them!

Kudos to them, to not let expectation, anticipation, reiteration and family relation, mar what they have, at least in their own minds & in the minds of their peers.

I guess, to relate or to not relate, is still the question. Men have been successful, with this train of thought, and women, should just let go & adopt this too. To see, just how much happier, they may become.

Let the healing begin...

kisses

I wonder...

2005-05-21T17:55:00.000-04:00

I wonder, do the majority of girls in a relationship, want or need affection, attention, compliments etc. from the guy?

I wonder if its normal for the guy to not see when the girl in the relationship with him, is trying to nurture,help, impress or adore him?

I wonder if it is a requirement to spend time with each other, or do things together?

I wonder if the girl should even try to get the guy's attention away from other things, like school or work or schoolwork?

I wonder if the guy should ever make the first move?

Makes you wonder if the guy's into the girl doesn't it.

...How Wonderful!

kisses

Once touched, never forgotten.

2005-04-06T21:02:00.000-04:00

-------------------------------------

Gone are the days, when touches were frequent.
When a smile, held power.
Good Bye to the days, when a look was meant,
to say what couldn't.

I held you in my thoughts today, and I miss so much. I miss the gestures, the glances, the sighing. I miss the way, caring and love were easy tokens, just as easliy redeemable, with "Hello!"

I miss the darkness of your heart, and how hard it was to shine a light there. But when the light shone, I miss the brightness.

I miss the patience, and how challenging it was to get you, to hold you.

I am challenged now, but not in that way.

Once touched, never forgotten.

There are things to celebrate now, that in essence, I don't miss. I can celebrate the tradegy of experience and knowledge and how it does not equal power. I enjoy being powerless and not 'running things', or better yet, made to believe that I'm not, but am. This is funny. I like that I do find it amusing. I now love not being in control and being molded, just right. That makes me laugh, but not for long. There is laughter in this new world, and comfort. No love yet, and who knows, if that is even meant to co-exist with this.

What is love anyway. I remember its taste, and there are days when I miss it deeply. But love also means loss, and I cry too much for both.

I don't miss being scared, and maybe its so long now, that I have forgotten what it smells like. I do have fear now, but of a different nature. Fear equals loss too. So love=loss=fear, or is it, love=fear=loss. It could go either way, which is funny, for one has a different meaning than the other.

Funny how the thoughts, gestures and glances I miss, mean all three things. I just had to let you know, that I held you in my thoughts and that is where we shall remain.

kisses

Here's the second...

2005-03-12T21:26:00.000-05:00

How proud am I of myself...went back to the XXX shop, and let me add some cream(no pun intended, of course) ... went by myself!!

I was also quite nervous, and somehow, I expected the de-generate of society to be stalking and blowing whistles and all. That didnt happen, but I was trying to keep my head together, going by myself and all.

It was quite interresting see all the goodies to purchase, to rent, to own! Went out of my head, and memories of the first time, circled around me. I was giddy, I was exhilarated, my imagination was on fire, all the possibilities, all the pleasure, and oh yeah, the pain, the bliss. the posibilities. My imagination, and hunger was at its peak....

I did purchase a couple of good stuff, sweet, tangy, hot and all, and I know, that some pleasure and xtasi will flow. Gotta jet and get, well, (insert word that ryhmes with jet)...

kisses

2005-02-25T23:57:00.000-05:00

CD, thankz for the idea...enjoy, oh wait I have to find an album.. Dammit.

Choose a musical artist/band and answer only in their song titles: BOB MARLEY

Are you male or female? BUFFALO SOLDIER
Describe yourself: SMALL AXE
How do some people feel about you? IRON, LION, ZION
How do you feel about yourself? MISTY MORNING
Describe your ex-boyfriend/ex-husband: NO WOMAN NO CRY
Describe your current boyfriend/husband: THREE LITTLE BIRDS
Describe what you want to be: NATURAL MYSTIC
Describe your current mood: I SHOT THE SHERIFF
Describe your friends: SO MUCH TROULE IN THE WORLD
Share a few words of wisdom: COULD YOU BE LOVED

wow, how enightening! I would surely want to use another singer/group or album. Maybe another time...

kisses

Things are a changin'

2005-02-17T21:05:00.000-05:00

Times are surely a changing?

Relationship definations are also changing with the times. My dad seemed to be of the opinion that two people "like" each other. "Like", when did that term come back. i'm quite sure that the more common expression is if two people "feel" each other." Hey shorty, I feel you". When did
"feel" = "like". I must be archaic indeed.

I guess its the evolution of the species, or the series, or simply the evolution of the evolution! Times are surely changing. Valentines day passed, and I am not one of those, who weep, if there are no 'gifts" under the tree, so to speak. I am not looking for the half tonne of red roses as they come down the corridor to me. I did enjoy a bouquet that a co-worker got, but the pleasure was in the fact that the roses were all white, not all red. I feel like the anti-valentine, an anti-valentino, more like the Valenti-No!

I abhorred every single reference to red and white on that day, and it was a day I was travelling back from Jamaica. So I saw it alot at the airport, I had to walk with a puke bag, it was that horrid. I could go into discussions as to how to wear certain colors, and better yet, what colors to wear on that day, and my advise to those that don't know, red, white and pink,, especially at once, are out!! I guess thats my evolution into the "stylistics" and the stylstically challenged. There were many.

"CoolDes, I hope you wore your uniform and had no red in sight!....", except underneathe it all....
thats another blog, im sure, we'll talk on that later...

Now back to evolution, there are other things, mind sets especially, that could lead me to the conclusion that even myself is a- changing. Open mindedness, being one of them, taking yourself off a pedestal, that you had no right putting yourself on, in the first place, is a great start. Why am I thinking of him, he just crossed my mind. DAmn... i fear, and i feel, like this is gonna blow in my face. Anyway, i belive that growing up had a lot to do with this. not to mention, a good friend of mine at work, is flaming, yes, like the fire, flaming gay! he's a she, when it really comes down to it....he's fun, not to mention, is in acting (has a zillion credits behind his belt) and true drama queen. damn!!

I'm horny , CD!!

anyway, i've revealed too much and here I shall rest in my mumbo jumbo of crazy thoughts.

kisses

Another First

2005-01-29T18:12:00.000-05:00

What a way the year has started out with a bang! Relatively speaking of course.

I have another first. Last Sunday (oh shooks Im going to Hell, it was a Sunday..) I went to a mega XXX porn shop with some friends, male and female, in case dubious minds were wondering. It was quite a thrill! It carried mostly video/DVD titles, in every possible genre of porn, yes, porn has different genres, its that huge, and wow, the toys were the thing. Dildos, were just the icing-on-the-cake, normal, expected porn store variety toy, they surely had much more than that!! Creams, potions,lotions, clothes, glass, leather, straps, swings, nymph-atic, gaay, whips, feathers, costumes, paddles...this list is so long, it blew my mind. I left the store and didnt buy anything, I guess, i had to see if I wanted anything first, and then go back to purchase. You know, cant buy till you try, at least in your mind first. you should hear me too, educating , the female friend on what certain things do. This happens when you are introduced to porn from an early age, and enjoy it. Nothing wrong with that...right? yeah Hell is looking like home now! LOL...anyway, here's to first times,

and sweet skin,

and sexy eyes

and cumming!!

kisses

Skin

2005-01-22T18:46:00.000-05:00

It does seem like this time in my life, is the time for exploration and self-discovery. I had my first expereince in a strip joint last night, or should i say, in the wee hours of morning. Somehow, I guess the caliber of club has a lot to do with what you can expect to see. I guess, this was more along thel ines of a gentleman's club, with, should I say, nicer "dancers"...I was sorely disappointed.

When we wlaked in there was a girl, kindly exploring the nether regions of her p*ssy lips, which of course, I found rather intriguing,and which I thought would have set the tone, for the rest of the performances to come. Sadly, that wasn't the case, she must have been the only horny one there, or the rest of them were too tired, drunk or pissed, to even care to stimulate their audiences. There was one however, who was working rather hard to earn the money, with a rather nice outfit and great bod, and she actually took the time, to see what her little audience would have wanted. I guess, gone are the days when they were over-zealous and energetic on the pole, somehow that was the imagery I was hoping for. I guess, I would have to take in a more seedier one, to somehow get a fuller experience of such an activity. Man, I even forgot to mention the amount of attention I was garnering, by just being there. I think I liked that too. there was this Jamaican girl, man, I swear she was either trying to get my attention, or the attention of the male friend I was with. I guess, mine, for she actually touched me, in an attempt to ask some questions. They are rather good at small talk, part of the job , I guess . Gee, I wonder when next I will go. We will see.

kisses

As requested...

2005-01-05T10:34:00.000-05:00

Here's to wonderng if I'll have the same answers.
________________________________
Three Names You Go By: Leese, Lia, You girl???

Three Screennames You Have: Double_Deeez, babybluelee, babyblue

Three Things You Like About Yourself: patience, loyalty, light hearted

Three Things You Dislike About Yourself: only three? ok, insecurities, self-image, trust issues

Three Parts of Your Heritage: St. Elizabeth, Kingston and St. Andrew

Three Things That Scare You: Snakes. lizards, big things

Three of Your Everyday Essentials: cell phone, occupation, TV

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: Black thongs, Killer black heels, beige safari shirt

Three of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment): Black eyed peas, Mos Def, Square one

Three of Your Favorite Songs at Present: Let's get retarded, Faluma, Gone

Three New Things You Want to Try in the Next 12 Months: breathing, letting go, build trust

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given): Communication, communication, fun

Two Truths and a Lie: I'm in love, I'm a hopeless romantic, I hate Sex. (Chica!)

Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex (or same) That Appeal to You: skin, eyes, smile

Three Things You Just Can’t Do: Be mean to people, take addictive drugs, take advantage of others (Chica!)

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: Painting, making bead jewellry, TV

Three Things You Want to do Really Badly Right Now: sleep, get rid of cold, see a special someone

Three Careers You’re Considering: Advertising Executive, Artist, PR hot chick!

Three Kids’ Names: Girls: not having kids. Boys: .......

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die: Marry, Visit Europe, Live!

Three People You Want to Take this Quiz: (blank)
___________________

kisses

SANTA- FP (Symbol of Quality)

2004-12-02T16:57:00.000-05:00

"Jingle, Jingle...as sleigh bells ring..."

This is really the best time of year for me. Everyone gets nicer to everyone else. Is this a Santa thing?

As kids (at least those of us who were fed the Santa-isms) ,we would only get presents if we were nice and of course if our parents could afford them. So I guess as December approaches we would geta little nicer (as if anyone can fool Santa) in hopes that he would notice and Christmas morning would be productive, as we rip through the gifts under the tree.

Fast forward to our adult lives. I beleive its proably instinctual as December nears that we get nicer again. We are already aware that Santa really doesnt exist, but the cheer remains. I guess even though he's not real, I guess he's still real in our hearts and because of such , we still wanna be nice, if for no other reason, than to please somebody we know and get at least one present at Christmas!

S-Seasonally A-Alloted N-Niceness T-To A-All - F-For P-Presents SANTA- FP

kisses

Human vs. Predator

2004-11-30T18:25:00.000-05:00

There are many theories I'm sure on this. Be they religious, philosophical, historical , even scientific, or is scientific another form of historical, or vice versa....

Whatever the theory, humans are just that. Human. What that means, well, one would have to take an introspective (did I just create a word) look into themselves. What they may see might scare them silly, pulling at their hair follicles, as they rush to board the next spaceship to planet Nebuurat.

It says somewhere that humans feel, and that this is a diffrentiating factor within itself. I guess this would have to justify that the goat I hit one morning on my way home didn't feel a thing, thus rendering it inhuman, or is it, thus rendering it ok to hit the goat and drive on, because they didnt feel the hit. I would be the one left with the feelings of remorse, Still making me the human one here...HMmmmm. Here's another thought. Humans sure feel most of the time, but I'm sure its possible to not feel, to be numb inside and still be human right?

It also states somewhere that humans think. oh this is a good one! Truly, is that what we do? I believe we muse over possibilities and consequences and then ignore them!

Humans also 'bleed' ( I so had to put that in quotes). My last pet (cat called Polka) bled too. Is it the loss of an 'e' that makes Polka inhuman and myself human. I bleed, she bled and If we as humans bled, are we dead and then no more. Or if not, does saying that Polka bled, convince me that she was human afterall. I should have known, she sure had our many (humanlike) characteristics and personalities!

Humans, like all of God's creations, are instinctual. Instinct , not the group of five guys who were my favorite boy band of all time, is that 6th or 7th sense in our heads & hearts that trys to guard us from the unknown(s) and protect us. It is also tied to an even greater force that combines all the morals and values we collect over time, along with that dreaded word, consequence, ....see humans think above...and guide us into action and deed. If we lost our ability to be instinctual are we still humanlike? But are we smart enough to exist without instinct? Is it the smarts then that make us human?

C'mon we may be the creation that has Harvard, Yale and Oxford, but does that makes us the smarter ones??

I'm an alien...

kisses

Kryp-tonight

2004-11-24T15:03:00.000-05:00

She spent a great deal of her young adult life believing she was superwoman. Her pre-adult life was spent believing that rocks and pebbles and stones were of higher worth and value than herself, due in part to the person in her life at that time.

***Now back to superwoman***

She wielded her strength & her power simply because she had it. Of course, just like her low self worth of the pre-adult years, she also attributed her super woman-dom to a fantastic relationship and better yet, the fantastic person in it with her. From 'whenst cometh' all her power...She was invincible. (Right...)

Sadly, superwoamn collided with an unknown form of kryptonite, and as quckly as the collison took place, she lost her power and strength. She was so naive about her powerloss, nor did she realise that her power was making her corrupt and blind and maybe her powerloss. powercut, blackout, damn JPS was a needed thing. To put her mind and self back into reality
spasm-mode. Back to the time when her power was a good thing.

(The adage about absolute power corrupting absolutely should be inserted here somewhere...)

She was corrupt and powerless, or powerlessly corrupt or maybe even corruptly powerless...Still is to this day.

The question(s); Will she remain like this?
Will she remain powerless for all eternity?
Will she have to be whisked back to her home planet to regain full strength?

I guess time will reveal.

kisses

1...2...3...4

2004-11-23T10:49:00.000-05:00

You live.
You learn.
You breathe.
You live.

Every breath exhaled,
puts you one inch closer,
to a lesson on life,
to a memory untouched,
to a question answered,
as clarity returns.

Take each inch you are given,
strive for more,
and,
scream with delight as it slowly,
enters your life.

This is the lesson:

1. An inch at a time
2. Breathe slowly
3. Exhale even slower
4. Take more, you won't be greedy.

Life is its singular best, revolves on the lessons one learns as they live it. The thing to take from that is that you have to learn it to live it. So live it!

kisses

Raise the tempo ( you going too slow....)

2004-11-22T17:50:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure where I'm going,
and if it is somewhere that I'm going,
how and when will I reach.

I try not to focus on those inevitables,
too much grief if your wants fade away,
due to mis-accomplisments.

Way too much grief if your needs,
melt away like they didn't live.

But they do live,
and they live on,
in your heart,
waiting to be touched,
to be kissed,
to be acknowledged.

They are needs afterall.
Distinct parts of yourself.
Tangible even,
breathing, living parts of your life.

------------------

I need
....so much
So much
...I need.
very tempted to touch
& hold
in mind & deed.

The slight feel of warm,
& the gentle movement of stirring.
is electricity through the fingers, the arm,
& brain the thorough trembling.

Thoughts ramble on,
but the focus is the same.
and how this focus strenghtens
with the mention of your name.

------------------------------

kisses

On being Jamaican abroad

2004-11-19T13:16:00.000-05:00

I never realized how special it is to be Jamaican, until some one asked at school if I was Haitian!

[insert shocked face with balled fists , ready to strike here]

Then I realized, being there in the middle of North Miami Beach (huge, times 10, Haitian population) that by just being Caribbean, and obviously non-yankee (because I don't speak or act like them), would automatically make you from Haiti.

It was then I realized that more than ever I needed to tout, to promote, to cultivate, in the most apparent way ,
my Jamaican-canni-ness.

It started with flags on the car, going to dancehall inspired dances during the lunch hour and boogie-ing up a storm, attending parties off-campus (ok, it was only one) held by Jamaicans from school, speaking the lingo "more pronounced", singing the praises of Air Jamaica (I don't care what anyone says I'm proud to have been a part of that airline, so there...)..etc.

It worked for most knew to not ask that question again...

But after I graduated, and entered the work-horse, oooops, work force, very north of North Miami Beach, you touted Jamaica similarly.The flags, maps, and images on your bulletin board in your 5 x 5 cubicle, Jamaican music on your .mac desktop (yes, even Soca) and Jamaican flag (as a plaid )wallpaper. It doesnt get any better....especially when you seem to have a couple collegues (yes two, just me and Johnelle) at work , who are from there too, and memories like water flow from our mouths. The Falls (Dunn's river ), the food, the fun , oh yeah, everyone grins and has a glaze over their eyeballs, when mention of ackee & saltfish is made or that song that was tough in 5th form.

Being Jamaican abroad does rock...Especially when you speak the talk and no one knows you jus' cussed di rass out of someone or something!

kisses

Because of U

2004-11-18T13:18:00.000-05:00

Today, Thursday is an OK day frame of mind. No mishaps or events so far, and I have a Baby Christening to attend on Sunday. Yeah, I'm gonna be a Godmother....Lovely!!!!

I was musing, as is always my thing and I discovered a poem I had wriiten 4/16/02. Wow that was a time back. I was in a frame of mind then too. I guess these frames of mind, bring the words out. Whatever it is, I want to share this with the world and somehow take this within myself again and remember.

____________

To feel, but don't get involved in the process,
To frown, but don't let it show,
To laugh, but stifle the sound,
I'm saddened because of you.

To smile, but it doesn't reach your eyes,
To committ, but run away.
To get involved, but dismiss it all.
I'm alone because of you.

Because you're not here...
This wasn't planned!
_______________________

I miss this person still and very deeply and have resolved to do that as long as it takes. Even if 'miss" never turns to 'kiss'!

kisses

A 2001 Original

2004-11-09T09:44:00.000-05:00

I wrote this poem sometime in 2001, when I was, well....let the poem tell you. Let me know what you think.

FATES

I am happiness multipled, I'm effervescence uncontrolled,
but somehow reality with its big bright eyes, gentle touch,
and smiling, puzzled expression shall rear her head,
and re-introduce me to my fate...
Fate now means acceptance, the ability to look into your life
and tolerate all those tumultuous and bubbly feelings,
emotions
and occurences. To blindly nod your head to everyday
consequences,
and shake hands with those objects or vessels familiar...
Fate surrounds most aspects of your life, new and old,
it gives you the strength to close your eyes, to take deep
breaths,
to sigh, to accept it and to cry. It gives you release and
re-acquaints you with security and familiarity.
Fate can be poisonous, and at the same time, can cure all, or
most pain...

I presently bow in reverence to fate, whether its actually
mine, or
the fate I designed by my so called destiny. Who knows! My
fate can
be false, or it can be reality not optimism, who has
finally visited me with a sweet slap to the face...
This I guess, are the dregs of fate...

Musing without the "A"

2004-11-08T10:08:00.000-05:00

I'm slowly easing into some form of social life again.

Ok,
slowly being re-introduced to the night life again.

That sounded better (less pathetic!)...The funny thing is to me, after tearing up the "grove" on Friday night, taking a rest on Saturday and partying hard again last night Sunday, it all seems like the same thing. It seems so blended, and the expectations from friends who mean good and those guys out there, have my panties, (ok thongs) in a pinch (or is that my bigg-er butt talking). Is it the sluggish effect of hard drinking and dancing, and lack of sleep that has me saying this. Go figure!

If you are single it seems , its almost expected of you to want to go out and find someone. Find someone to do what? Allow them to wine and dine you, get into their peculiarities and peeves, and then find them lacking.

No than you. People should erase that mentality, that all singles, especially women, want to be non-single. That singles really yearn to become double!

If thats the male superioty complex wedged into the so- called feeble minds of todays young, gifted women, it needs to be erased. Ladies, here's a suggestion, get a giant rubber (not the pro·phy·lac·tic kind) and rub, rub, rub. Believe this....there are actualy singles out there, that are quite comfortable being single and go out to have a good time only. Imagine that, I guess till they get comfortable enough to want to be double-d. But being single is not an automatic excuse to have your friends "hook" you up to someone. Nah...

Plus, South florida, is leaving a lot to be desired. Yes, there is a massive Jamiacan male population here, (excuse me but "Yanks" as they are affectionately called, annoy me) but the faces are the same when I go out and see them. Imagine my initial foray back into the night life, I was "sexually abused ' as I call it, by these guys just talking about sex and sex and sex, and believe me, I have no problem talking about the joys and pains (yes I'm into S & M) of that lovely activity, but to be bombarded by guys who see you ...a single, black female..and "chalk" you down as a girl , who is desperate to become double-d, with them, took it a bit to far. There's that male superiority complex thing again, rearing its head....

What's bad enough, it seems all these guys are married. Let it stop right there, and so it shall!

kisses

(insert smile here)

2004-11-01T14:29:00.000-05:00

Blood is
surely rushin'
thru me
now.
10 seconds ago,
10 minutes ago,
10 hours ago,
2 nights ago

My skin
feels
so
alive.
everything
has a
tingle, tingle, tingle.
everything.
everywhere.

so sensual.

kisses

Considerin'

2004-10-26T10:59:00.000-04:00

What's the secret to happiness?

Are we even certain it's only one secret. For sure it can't be one. Happiness in itself doesn't encompass one aspect of one's life. (Are we counting the "ones"?)...It surely encompasses many parts of it. Can one be happy in a career for e.g. and their love life is hellish, and consider themselves happy? I dunno. If it was the reverse, are they truly happy? Who knows. Wouldn't it also depend on what they consider most important in their life? Maybe as well. There are truly too many variables.

Plus, what is it? What is happiness? Is it bliss? Is it serenity? Is it all of the above? Could be. Isn't that the cool part, for anyone and everyone its truly case-specific. Its a "me" specific for no one can dictate your own happiness. Not your mom, your mate, your boss? Nah, definately not, unless of course they measure something in your life, unless they are the "something" that you would consider most important. If they aren't THE variable though, maybe they sholdn't have the permission to dictate then. Right?

So what have we learned in class today children...well, no one thing can make you happy? maybe its a combination of things, or maybe for some, one is all it takes. One thing is certain (I've lost track of those "ones"), simplicity in life doesn't hurt. Try to simplify, less is sometimes better.

kisses

Kudos

2004-10-25T09:50:00.000-04:00

I did it.

I really did.

I can't believe that after all these years, at this stage in my life, this stage in the game, I finally did it. It seems so weird to say this, I've finally seen South Beach! there I said it, and the funniest part is that I'm over 21!

Ok, so all the young-er-er people seeing this will retaliate by skipping to the next blog. That's ok, I understand. But for those who finally took that first step, to doing something that you never thought you had the balls(male or female) to do, yes female balls exist, I guess this 'Sankie' is for you.

I've been scared of the "beach", the life, the unattainables, and I guess this is no existence to really live one's life. This trip, the nightlife all of it represented a break from my shell. This is a really big step for me. I don't do the club thing much, I think I got it out of my system pretty early on. But this was a nice distraction (remember I said I wanted one earlier-er-er).

Ladies in free and drink free, I can't believe I wasn't there sooner!!

I'm not the proverbial rumhead, but I used to be, at one stage in the game. ...Why is everything game mode to me (...that's a shout out). Apple martinis rock!!! I couldn't wait to hear my Snoop song "drop it like its hot", which I did the 3 times it played, and of course I went to a hip hop/dancehall club, which unfortunately played mostly hip hop and not enough dancehall. Disappointing in that respect as the "/" would have indicated that they would have played each genre equally. Yes, to all those that don't know, they are different genres. I'm Jamaican, so all my fellow Jamaicans would understand the misrepresentation.

Anywho, Kudos to me. I'm taking steps, (not giant leaps and bounds yet) and Im dropping it, like its hot, cause it is!!

kisses

Game Over

2004-10-22T13:04:00.000-04:00

No, sorry. This is no homage to some video game, although I'm a fan of the fighting genre. Yes Tekken is way too cool. I would however have to update my lingo etc, to include the newest titles, and sadly I don't subscribe to IGN or PS2 mags, nor do I watch or indulge in Tech TV...big OOooops.

Haven't found that distraction yet, but I haven't given up on finding it yet. I however have to remember to keep my morals, my everythings, intact though.

Had another weird dream last night, rather sexual, but so freakish weird, I felt like I was on a non-stop train to Hell when I woke up. In my dreams , I'm always the observer, like the events do not happen to me, but I still feel the fear or the emotions that come with the event. Last night was no different. Always looking in on something spectacular/or horrid, happening to someone else. but its always someone else, never really to me. Once in a while, Im stabbed or choked or something happens, but as you can see, I could count the times...as if "once in a while" is a numeric value. To me it is, it signifies a "not enough" as it would pertain to the item I'm talking of. Ok, I even lost myself there...I always do that. Back to the always looking on , as it happens to someone else, even my actual life has been like that recently. Always the looker-on-er (say it slowly). More like the loner. Let me not mope anymore, I'm sure there are lots of people would would prefer, being alone than to be with the one they are with now. Let me know. I could be so wrong, I'm far, very far from being the authority here.

kisses

Blank Not

2004-10-21T10:06:00.000-04:00

A myriad of emotions, rock me this morn. I don't even know which is which.They came so fast. I really had to add POWER to all my moves in step aerobics this morn, to try, just try to get the 'kinks' out. I feel as if my head isn't mine, and coming to think of it, that's nothing new to me. "Africa" by Toto is playing. Love that one. This makes the coffee go down better.

Again all the many emotions and thoughts bombard me. Why can't I get them settled. Yesterday I was blank, today I'm full of it...yes, it. I wish I was full of _________ instead. Here I go again. I need a disraction. Why don't they want me?

kisses

Why am I blank?

2004-10-20T13:38:00.000-04:00

Hey,

Writer's block in T minus 2 seconds coming...

(insert crickets chirping here)

One would think that in my introduction to this 'bloging " thingie, my head would be popping open (literally) with so many thoughts and ideas, and dreams and etc.

But guess what, nada, nothing. All I can hear other than my coworkers, working in their respective cubicles, chatting, typing etc. is "How do U want it' by Tupac, which is playing on the radio. MAC rules!!

Sorry, to disappoint Neeksy, hope the weekend would prove more happening/fulfilling, if I can find a computer to blog on that is. You already know the answer to that.

Later...Kisses!!